7/3/2026 Another recovery day

I didn’t have the best of nights, too many unpleasant things running behind my eyes every time I closed them, so it was a relief to see daylight. I spent ages talking myself into going down for breakfast and I left it as long as I could in the hope that everyone would have finished and there would be no one around. Yes I know I'm seriously antisocial, and I can't even apologise for it at the moment. What forced me into action in the end was the time, breakfast ends at 10.00 and I know Shareen likes to wash up, and she’s a busy lady so I didn't want to hold her up. 

My heart sank when I got downstairs, it was full, there were two couples sitting at the table chatting after their breakfast to another man who was sitting on the sofa. Sabina was sitting outside. One of the ladies offered to move for me to sit down but there was a stool next to the kettle so I said I was fine and  parked myself there and made a coffee. They were lovely people, all enjoying each other's company and laughing, sharing stories, something so normal and ordinary, but it just emphasized Si’s absence much more than I expected.  

Sabina finished her breakfast and we chatted for a while. It's her last day today and she’s getting ready to go to Waiheke Island tomorrow for a week. One of the couples left to get their stuff down and on the road. The other couple, whose names I didn't get, which is really rude, in my defence, my head is in the shed. They're from the UK and are on a big trip for her special birthday. They've been cruising round the islands and are now going to be traveling around New Zealand before flying to Australia and then heading home. What a trip. We got chatting, and  the lovely lady who from here on in shall be known as the one who made me feel better, asked where I was from, and when I said, Raglan, she said she loved Raglan castle. No bloody way, what are the chances? Weirdly I have never before said so specifically where we live. We chatted for a while and the lovely lady who made me feel better gave me the biggest hug. I found myself spilling my guts to her and telling her about Si. Bless her she stood there, she listened and she understood, and sometimes that's all you need isn't it. Her poor husband was up and down the stairs getting their luggage and loading it into the car while she was listening to my pity party. Sorry nice husband! So to that lovely lady, if you ever read this random and messy outpouring, thank you so much for your time, caring and that wonderful hug today. It helped me enormously and I'm very grateful I put on my big girl pants, came down stairs, faced the day and the people and was lucky enough to have met you. 

When they left, I washed up the dishes for Shareen to take my mind off everything. I've realized it's never a good sign when I start doing housework, it's a high stress reaction for me, for instance when Si died, when I wasn’t crying or staring into space I was cleaning. I washed up and put away the dishes and made myself another cup of coffee. I took it to the armchair in the window to drink, I just sat there thinking about my previous conversation and of course Si, he’s been noticeably absent recently and until the little feather yesterday there has been definite radio silence. Rude. I laid my head back on the chair and as I did, out of the corner of my eye, underneath the sofa was a little white feather, just suspended and looking at me. Thank you Si, maybe you haven't abandoned me totally after all. I picked it up, finished my coffee, washed up my mug and went back upstairs. 

Pain is off the charts today, it's been an emotional few days so it's to be expected and maybe I've been pushing myself a bit hard, there's been a lot of rage simmering which is never a good thing is it?

I had a quiet day, reading, and catching up on my bee education. I've got plans to grow the apiary when I get back so I need to refresh what I know and learn more about my little friends. Morg messaged me at lunch time and I asked him how his head was. Apparently he was feeling ropey as hell and had just walked down for coffee and sushi to see if that would help. I put in an order with uber eats, to pick up a grocery shop from the four square. Stupidly i forgot to change the delivery address from when i had used it when i was in the city. Luckily I noticed it before I confirmed the order, but it meant that the delivery came from the city instead of around the corner. Not a drama at least I didn't have to go out for it, and they bought it out the door which is always a bonus. I decided to have a coffee as I waited downstairs for it to be delivered. I love that I can follow where it is to the second, which is always helpful especially when I'm conserving my energy. It was delivered bang on time, and I made myself some dinner, ate it and cleared away, before returning to my room. It's been a definite recovery and reflecting day, the hill is too much and my spoon situation is in a serious deficit to even attempt it at this point.

I had a message from Hamala my Tongan Tour guide, he'd been back out to the natural land bridge and sent some photos of the place we got grounded.

He also sent some screen shot photos from Queen Salote school's facebook page, showing the birthday parade and the marching band which was really nice.

BUT  I'm beginning to think he's telling me fibs, he told me in the message that he's had no tours since I left, and was eating rice just once a day. Yet he had enough money to hire a car to get to the bridge ….

Hmmm. time to delete and block him I think as i have no need to keep his number as i wont be returning to Tonga or requiring any tours. Whilst he was a good guide and informative, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable with the messages,  of which there have been quite a few, despite me not replying to them.

But I have another feather for my jar. 

Much love

Mrs Leonard

x