31/1/2026 The first day of the start of year 2 without Si

After another pretty shitty night you can’t believe how relieved I was to see daylight and sunshine. I went for my vat of coffee and then had a FaceTime which lasted a few hours. Thanks Em, sorry to have taken so much of your time. 

Having hidden away in my room for a while I thought I might as well hit the market again especially as it was a nice day. However the emotions of the last few days has escalated the pain levels and moving is proving somewhat problematic. Slightly annoying to say the least so I knocked the market idea on the head. I didn’t need anything although I had intended making the massage place my first stop. I used the tens machine instead  for a while before going to find my trusty lounger to get some sun into my aches. 

It was quiet again today for which I was eternally grateful so I was able to relax in solitude just listening to the Waves. Remember me asking Si for a sign well he sent one.  The play lists I’ve realised are pretty much the same everyday. So when Dr Hook “you make my pants want to get up and dance” came on I started to cry but then I burst out laughing. It was the song we signed the register to when we got married. It played over and over and over, really loudly because the record signing took longer than expected. for whatever reason it repeated again today and that’s what made me laugh. Honestly you couldn’t write it. It repeated 4 times. I don’t know if the bar man really liked it or what, but it’s one I hadn’t heard playing at all in the whole time I’ve been here.

Because the sun was out and there was a beautiful breeze blowing in off the ocean it was really pleasant to just lie there. I put Si’s earphones in and did a lovely long meditation which was perfect and, aided by the waves in the background I was pretty successful in quieting my mind for a while. 

I met a lady earlier in the week, Fawzia, who is over from Sydney for her 60th birthday which is today.  I found her in the pool when I went out so I wished her a lovely day and bought her a birthday cocktail. We’ve had several long conversations since meeting and she was aware of the circumstances so she knew yesterday had been a rough one and she said she’d come looking for me to make sure I was ok. Which was so kind. She didn’t hang around long to chat today as her  friends and family had an evening meal booked for her under the cabana overlooking the ocean.  It was all decorated in red, her guests were wearing red and the ladies all had the red flower garlands on their heads. They all looked stunning and Fawzia looked fabulous. The staff had made a huge effort and the cabana was transformed. She kindly invited me to join them which was lovely. I declined the food, eating is still an issue but I joined her for a drink once they’d finished eating. Thankfully the weather held off and there was even a beautiful full moon shining down on her. I was so pleased about that  for her. It made the atmosphere quite magical.

All of her family and friends are as nice as Fawzia and she’d introduced me to most of them already so I didn’t  feel too uncomfortable, or that I was intruding.

Surprisingly I really enjoyed the hour I spent with them all and was glad I hadn’t gone to the market and worn myself out.  The rest was a better plan all together and enabled me to enjoy Fawzias celebration.  

I left the party at 10, and was so glad I made the effort. it would have been easier to  have hidden away again in the room but I put on my big girl pants gave myself a massive kick up the arse and went to Fawzia’s party. If she hadn’t been so lovely I wouldn’t have gone.  She was another of those people I was meant to meet and I’m forever grateful to her.  I cried again when I was on my own but given the emotional few days I’ve had I’m impressed I held it together for the few hours

So that was the first day of the start of year two without Si, there have been an awful lot of tears but there has been laughter, and enjoyment too. 

Much Love

Mrs Leonard

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