29/1/2026 sunshine after the rain and cool ocean breeze

It will never cease to amaze me how quickly the weather changes here. Considering what it's been like for the last two days, today is like it has never happened . The sun is out, the UV index is sitting at a lovely 13, which is classed as “extreme” and the wind is blowing a treat as in not enough to blow your head off but certainly enough to cool you down. Huzzah.

Due to the two days of rain and the fact that I'm heading back to Auckland next week, and the weather there has been pretty shit considering its summer, I decided to panic tan.  I say panic tan, i sat out for a few hours and retreated to the air con to cool down before going back out and doing some more. 

It's really quiet at the moment which is nice, I’m really not feeling people right now, I just want to be left alone and not disturbed.  

So, I'm struggling to hold my shit together and my eyes are leaking on an almost constant basis. Absolutely ducking super. Today particularly I've been reliving everything from the day before Simon died, our conversation, everything he told me about how he was feeling and wishing I had paid more attention and most importantly, I should have bundled him into the truck and taken him to the GP or hospital. It's easy to be wise after the event but if i had been on the ball and a better wife then he would still be here wouldn't he? And it's my fault he isn't, he was so not himself and i should have made him go instead what do i do? I massaged his shoulders, back and chest with a homemade magnesium oil massage cream. 

It’s been playing over and over in my mind what I should have done differently, which I know is really not helpful but I’m struggling to stop it.

I’ve asked for signs but haven’t had any but maybe my mind isn’t open enough to receive them today.  

What I have discovered is how much the crashing waves soothe my troubled soul just help me switch off, so I’ve found something to be grateful for today and that’s them. They’re helping drown out the noise around me and also the play list from the bar. It’s as if the staff have asked if they can use Si’s playlist FFS. 

Much Love

Mrs Leonard 

X