17/4/2026 sunshine and whitebait

Beautiful sunny day and I had my morning swim after being awoke with photos from Louisa of Frank. OMG he’s grown so much! A proper little chunk.  That puts a little smile on my face. Just look at those little white toes!

The swim was hard work today i think maybe because I was on my own and there was no need to trigger the competitiveness inside me. Generally I can’t let a group of 80 year olds beat me, I mean, they always do but,  I give them a run for their money (in my dreams ) I didn’t last long just half hour I’m just a bit too achy tired and emotional. 

I went back to the unit and had some breakfast an a nice coffee followed by a swift  a lie down which rejuvenated me considerably .  

Once I’d woken up properly I went and sat down in my favourite bench for a few hours and let the warm sun ease my aches. Just sitting in the sunshine, smelling the ocean and hearing the waves resets me and really eases the anxiety. Which I’ve noticed is Increasing significantly

I think Frank and I will have to have regular beach days. It’s funny the things you think about isn’t it. When the kids were little and I was struggling with being a single mum and trying to work full time etc etc. I can remember Erin was in school and as soon as the bus had picked Her up I bundled  Morgan into the car and drove to the gower to the beach and just ran  pushing him along in front of me in the buggy until i couldn’t run any further. In all weathers but my favourite time was when it was raining and stormy. I miss being able to run away my demons. But the beach the waves and the smell all help.  

After the last few days it was simply beautiful with the sun on my face  and just sitting and being was lovely.  Sometimes my mind went where I’d rather it didn’t but I did smile again when a massive motorbike went by with the Police  blaring out ‘every breath you take I’ll be watching you’ as it went by.  Like I say it did make me smile a bit.  And cry. Ffs 

Morg had a night out with the boys tonight so I went to the chippy not long after it opened  and had fresh South Island whitebait and chips which I took back down to my bench by the beach. Not a bad way to end the day really.  I was back home before 1730 showered in my jarmies watching afterlife with Ricky gervsis. Because he gets it!  

I’m feeling a bit in limbo now, the time to go home is looming and I’ve got a list of things to do as long as a lorry and it’s starting to stress me out. I don’t want to go home and have to face the reality again, I like pretending I’m just on a road trip without Si like the first time I came here with Morg for the Lions tour. That was hard but not anything like this.  Going home it’s back to the reality and I can’t hide from it can I. It really is shite and before he was there waiting for me to come home. From that day till the day he died we only had two days apart , and that was when he went on Rugby tour, fell over and cut his head open.

Anyhoo that’s another day done and I just want to be with Si

Much Love

Mrs Leonard 

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