17/1/2026 sunshine, socialising and shocks

Holy cow there was the most amazing thunder and lightning last night. There was 8 seconds between each roll of thunder so the storm was pretty damn close, and also very loud! It lasted almost the whole night and faded into the distance around 04.30. The rain was torrential and bouncing up off the floor, however, when I got up for breakfast this morning (yes, first in) there was no sign of the heavy rain, it had all evaporated and the sun was out. It was hot as hades but that's not an issue for me now is it? 

There are two Samoan ladies staying here, I think they are mother and daughter, and I've said hello to them every morning since they arrived. They acknowledged me with a smile but this morning, I was miles away when they came in for breakfast and the mother made a point of coming up to my table and saying good morning. I was really chuffed, perseverance is clearly key!

After my three mugs of coffee, fruit and toast i went straight to my sun lounger having decided to wear my bikini to breakfast. Obviously not just my bikini because that would be really unpleasant and offensive for other guests to be eating their toast with all my flesh on display! At 0745 hours, the humidity was so high, the sweat was running off me and because there was very little breeze it felt a lot hotter.

The sarong lady was back and she had two more assistants in tow, one of which was a man. Today they threw in dance lessons which quite a few of the guests joined in with, including the Samoan mumma, OMG that lady can dance, it brought tears to my eyes watching her, she moved like liquid silk and the utter joy on her face was really moving. It was a really special moment. I think so for her too. 

I've had to admit defeat on the steps into the ocean. They are really slippery and also a huge one up from the beach to the first step, it's not within my capabilities at the moment, which is very disappointing. I was talking to a lady who was suffering from some severe sunburn after a few hours snorkelling and she was telling me places  to go where the ocean is accessible. They come a couple of times a year, and have family members that live just opposite the resort. The same family members own a lagoon tour business , they pick you up, take you out snorkelling, take you to where the  turtles  swim, throw chum in to attract the fish, put on a show, feed you and then drop you back to the resort. Weirdly the name of the company keeps popping up on my facebook, and it's not the one i was going to go with. So it's good to talk to people. I'm still finding it really hard striking up conversations with people. I think it's because I'm dreading the “are you on your own?” question and then I feel I need to explain, which seems to invariably lead to ugly crying. Annoying and frustrating. 

As the ocean is now definitely out at the resort, and the humidity is melting me I decided to utilise the pool. The amount of chlorine in there made my eyes water but I managed to ignore that when I got in. I do really prefer the ocean, yes I did actually say that! Despite the shark and iceberg fears…

Yesterday a group of older ladies, i say older, (they're maybe in their early 40’s) arrived and they've been having an absolute scream. While in the pool they were all chatting and drawing everyone in their conversation which was really nice. They are over for a friend's wedding this afternoon and are going home on Sunday. Rain clouds were rolling in so we were all hoping the rain would hold off. The bride has a marquee anyway just in case but it would have been really nice if it was dry. It rained unfortunately, and very heavily. I stayed in the pool chatting with them for a good few hours, really nice ladies, they're all social and support workers from Christchurch. They're going snorkelling with turtles tomorrow. A young girl , also a guest at the resort, went into a random little surf shop yesterday and the owner hired her and her friend snorkelling equipment and told her where to go and swim with the turtles for free. The official trip is $250, and whilst you are guaranteed to swim with them, it's an awful lot of money. She has kindly passed this information on to the ladies and they are borrowing the snorkel equipment from the resort and off to locate it tomorrow. They have hired a car for a few days for the wedding and have very kindly invited me to go along with them tomorrow afternoon. I have accepted and am really looking forward to going. 

It's also market day tomorrow and I planned to go by bus, however the ladies are driving and have again invited me to go in the car with them. It will be so much easier than the bus, because I know from last time the bus will be standing room only, especially as the resort is among the last pick ups on the anti clockwise route. 

I've added my new friends, Niki and Amanda on Facebook, hurrah a useful purpose for it, and we’ll arrange a time to meet in the morning for the market. As they're at the wedding this afternoon I'm not sure how much alcohol will be involved, but they did want to come back to the resort and watch the fire show which is on tonight (weather permitting). So it was easier to do the facebook thing to arrange everything. 

Niki left the pool having been in there a really long time and another lady joined Amanda and I. She is a Maori lady and the energy surrounding her is very special. This will sound really weird, but when she got in the pool it instantly felt like the water was hugging me, she joined in our conversation and was cautioning us that our faces were going to get burnt. Oh she was not wrong on that one! She's from Hamilton and here with her partner, sister and brother in law for a week's break to escape the bullshit. I can't recall the exact words she used to describe how she is feeling about the world but they really resonated with me. She was telling us that she's going for a  foot massage this afternoon and couldn't wait. I really wanted to offer to do some reflexology for her, which was a strange thought that popped into my head. I didn't let it come out of my mouth, and I'm not sure why…  

Amanda got out shortly after and I sat on one of the built-in stools in the pool under the shade with the new lady (whose name I didn't get which is annoying) and just sat enjoying her energy, which was lovely. We sat there in silence for a few minutes and she turned to me and said “ he's right there beside you”. I hadn't told her anything about myself, and we'd just been chatting about general stuff.  I almost fell off my stool, I mean I wouldn't have hurt myself obviously, I was in the pool, but I was more than a little bit surprised as you can imagine. One minute she's telling me I'm going to have a burnt face, and the next she's telling me that. I think my shock must have shown on my face, mainly because I'd been miles away thinking about and missing Simon. The strangest part about it was she didn't say anything else for a while. 

We then resumed chatting and she asked who I was here with, as if she hadn't said what she'd just said. I said I'm on my own and she said OMG really, why?  I just said it was complicated, and brushed over it but she wasn't letting it go. Eventually I told her Si had died last year and the anniversary was coming up which is why I was in the Islands. Once I'd told her that, she looked at me, cocked her head to one side EXACTLY how Si used to look at me from his chair and said, “ah, so that's why i’m still sitting in here”  then went on to repeat again he's right beside you, like she was unaware she'd said it a few minutes previously, and then followed that up with, you'll smell him and feel his warmth around you because he never wanted to leave you. I was thinking she must have heard some of the conversations earlier, but she wasn't in the pool, or even sitting in the loungers around it. Then she began telling me her story, her hubby died 7 years ago yesterday, and she too felt The Cook Islands would be the right place to be for the anniversary. Her story made me feel a bit better but it was her presence that filled me with a feeling of peace, a very rare thing since Si died, he was my peace, and my calm and I've missed that so very much.

As she talked to me about her husband she was telling me how the Maori prepare for death, as the time nears the whole family gather around from the very youngest to the eldest to provide physical and emotional support. They sing, pray, and tell stories to honour the spirit as it transitions, and the space around the dying person has its spiritual restriction lifted through certain rituals. After death, a ceremony is performed to release the person's spirit from the body, and the body is never left unattended or alone until burial. Death is viewed as a sacred journey connecting to their ancestors, and traditionally dying and grieving are viewed as family, communal and spiritual events, not something that is done in isolation.  I knew some of what she was telling me, more so about what happens after death to the spirit,  as Si and I visited Cape Reinga when we were in the North Land, and had read up on it. To hear it told by someone who has been through it with a loved one was very powerful. It was absolutely fascinating hearing about the traditions and beliefs and how they involve everyone in the process, especially the children. As the conversation went on she told me how she had felt at different times over the years, but that she knew he was always with her. Even though she couldn't touch him, she'd see him sitting in his chair, catch glimpses of him wearing one of his favourite shirts, and smell him on random occasions. It is one of the most unusual conversations I have had in a very long time and I'm still  trying to process it. The last thing she said to me before she went off for her foot massage, was “he’ll never leave his Baby Girl”. Which is what Si used to call me. As you can imagine there have been an awful lot of tears since and it was quite awhile before I could get myself out of the pool. You honestly couldn't make today up.  

Niki got back in the pool and asked if I was ok, saying she had been watching us from the sun lounger and hoped the lady was there to speak to me. Her friend, who I have not met, is dealing with  the sudden death of her cousin which occurred just two weeks ago. As she was sitting yesterday, the lady approached her and told her things about his passing there was no way she could have known, which had the same effect on her as today's conversation had on me.  Niki then went on to explain that the Moko on the ladies chin represents her connection to her family and her status in it, but that she has specific ones that mark her as a healer and spiritual guide, on her nose and forehead. Again absolutely fascinating and bizarre as I had wanted to ask the other Maori lady about hers, but I haven't seen her, so I think she's gone home. Today can definitely be classed as a school day!

I ask Si every day for a sign that he's still around me, but today has rocked me onto my sizable arse, because there is absolutely no way on earth she would have known what Si used to call me so I feel he's shouting it out loud today because I haven't been paying close enough attention in my abject misery.

There was a Fireshow tonight here at the resort, the rain held off and also a live band before the show, but I couldn't face the music or the thought of being around people. I can hear the music from my room, and I'm sooooo glad I didn't go because it wasn't traditional island music. They were a cover band, and frankly I've had enough of snot bubbles and ugly crying today, and don't want to be doing that in public when people are out enjoying themselves. So I stayed in my room with my snot bubbles. Girl has gotta try and maintain a smidgen of dignity at least once.

So that's today, the most bizarre one yet i think, but strangely comforting, and in an update on the sunburnt face … yep its burnt, so im sat here with Bepanthen smeared across my nose and cheeks which seems to be working. It also works on prickly heat. You're welcome!

Much Love

Mrs Leonard

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