14/2/2026 Offity Piss Valentines Day

Oh just fuck off valentines day. Yep that just about sets the tone for my day. It started going downhill from breakfast, who the feck plays love songs at 0630 hours in the morning while people are trying to eat breakfast. It's like an episode of Steve wrights sunday love songs or whatever it was called . FFS just Shoot. Me. now. 

They have a big event tonight and whilst I would have thought they might have been warned off asking me if I'd like to attend by the swollen eyes, (i look like a rabbit with miximitosis) and the frequent snot bubbles. I swear to god one was so big that if I'd blown it out of hubba bubba it would have made the Guinness book of records. Really you would have thunk that would have been enough to put anyone off talking to me. I even had Si sunglasses on because they are darker than mine. Nope they still asked if I'd like to attend. I've been sitting on my own every fuking morning for breakfast, I've had to sign in for said breakfast, every day for a week it's been just me, are they expecting me to just magically produce Si out of nowhere and bring him along for a date night? That is of course is one of the many impossible things I want most in this shitty little world.

Its not there fault im just a bitter twisted old boot with award winning snot bubbles, miximitosis eyes and a seriously bad attitude, 

I quickly ate my breakfast before I stabbed some fucker with a fork for just looking at me. Today was a day where I do not play well with others so it's best for all other guests and staff in the resort. I took myself away from normal people. 

As a result I went back to my room and planned to spend the day hiding away on the decking outside my room. Good plan Bridget.  I opened the door and the housekeeping had been in, and left me hibiscus flowers around Si’s photos which were beautiful but produced a tsunami of tears and snot bubbles. Bloody hell I'm an ugly cryer.

The temptation to get shitfaced was incredible, just to block out another day that highlights what I've lost. My person, my world, my safety, my loudest champion, my soul mate and my one true love.

The highlight of the day was when the housekeeping team brought around snacks with the events list for tomorrow. Wisely they left it on my bed when i was outside and didn’t interact. It’s like they know throwing food at me from a distance will keep me placid, just don’t get too close !

The idea of alcohol over indulgence was rapidly eliminated as being a rather poor one. It would have required interaction with other people, so you can sod that for a game of hopscotch. So i spent the day looking at photos of our last valentines day together in Townsville, Queensland in 2024, and remembering the fantastic meal we had in this really dodgy accommodation where the room smelt of feet. I remembered the walk along the ocean front and ice cream from juliettes . I have photos of our food, the ice cream shop but only one photo of my precious boy, and that's the back of him. I'm a terrible wife. I couldn't even get a  decent photo of him on valentines day. Although he would have probably put his two fingers up at me, stuck his tongue out or hidden his face anyway. I do have a photo of his hands from that night, they were in one of the photos I took of his meal and I instantly remembered how they felt holding mine, so I guess that's a nice memory and a nice feeling. I really worry that I will forget all these precious things about him. And that upsets me as much as him dying and being left to exist without him.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and i wont want to stab anyone with a fork and i may be able to play well with others. There was a beautiful sunset to mark the end of the day, and I'm now finding I've gone from hating them, which I did straight after Si died because they were another death or an ending, to now looking forward to them because of what they signify to me. I do wonder how many more I will have to endure before I finally get to see Si again. I just hope its not too many.

Much love 

Mrs Leonard