10/1/2026 Auckland to Rarotonga and two Fridays in a week

Well I needn't have bothered setting the alarm, another bad night with too many unwelcome images appearing when I shut my eyes. I was therefore pleased to be able to get out of bed into the shower.  I got dressed and did a SI sweep of the room, checking all the drawers and cupboards and satisfied myself I'd packed everything. Sat by the door were my three shopping bags full of clothes, and leftover food, ready to be stored at Morgs whilst I'm away. I made a quick cup of coffee but I'm very conscious that i dont want to drink much at all so i dont need the loo on the plane. 10 minutes later I heard the now familiar sound of Morgan's truck pulling into the motel carpark and it beeping as it reversed up to my door. 

He quickly did another sweep for me and satisfied himself I’d left nothing behind, and loaded everything onto the back of the truck. He was wondering what I'd taken out of the rucksack as it was considerably lighter than it was last night. I explained clothes, and the extra bottles of moisturiser I'd had in there. If I come back like a dried out old prune then I come back like a dried out old prune. Not a single fuck given at this point. He vanished into the bathroom and started washing out his t-shirt, he'd made coffee before leaving home and bought it with him. Unfortunately for him, he hit a drain in the road and in a truck with no suspension to speak of, it didn't end well for his tee shirt at all. 

With everything loaded I left the key on the table and shut the door on Alpers Motel and Lodge in Newmarket. I had considered returning when I got back from Rarotonga, but by that time the school holidays will be over and there are now a lot of air B&B available in St Heliers near Morgan. Whilst it's been nice to be able to visit a Mall and window shop, eyeing up what I'm going to purchase to take home with me, it's actually become a bit boring now. I'd really rather spend the time near the beach, there are so many coffee shops to frequent and the beach is good no matter the weather.  Also the air B&B is half the price of the Motel and has views looking out over the ocean not dissimilar to the incredible views Morgan has.  I checked with him that he was ok with it before booking, as it's closer to him than the motel. He's back in work Monday so it will make things easier for him too, much less running around. The lady who it belongs to is retired and has lived in London and around Europe. I'm assuming I'm sharing the place with her, because the blurb says she likes to chat with and meet new people, which I feel might be nice. I’m really happy at the number of properties that are now available, some of them are gorgeous and self-contained which I really like. I'll be booking them to stay in after my other trips. 

There wasn’t a pretty sunrise this morning which I found really disappointing, it was all rather grey which matched my mood perfectly. The airport carpark was full and we drove around for quite a while searching for a spot. We found one eventually and Morg moved the bags he's taking home for me into the front and loaded me into Mildred. He loaded the Sturdy one onto my lap and we went into the airport. My check in gates were A and B and we were directed straight to the front. I'm doing this  trip without Mildred so Morg was taking her home with him after I'd been loaded into an airport chair. Check in was swift and we went to the special assistance desk to sort out the chair situation. With Si and Morgan, I stayed in Mildred until the aircraft doors, then they transferred me into the aisle chair and onto the plane. Also travelling as a two, we were always taken through the security straight away, accompanied by an assistant. This time, as I'm travelling solo and in economy class, I was required to wait at the special assistance desk for over an hour and they would then take me straight to the gate. Morgan decided we would go and find a coffee and some food rather than leave me sitting over an hour in a little dark space like Billy no mates . We found him a breakfast muffin coffee and me a strawberry danish. After finishing them I thought it prudent to use the toilets before being taken through security.  That was a nightmare, all the toilets were in together, there was a queue out of the corridor and two large abandoned luggage trolleys in there. Splendid. 

Morg rolled me back to the assistance desk and got me transferred onto their chair, gave me a hug and the request to message when I was on the plane and again when I arrived at the hotel and went home as he's helping his mate today.  I was only sitting there for 5 minutes when I was collected by a lovely young girl. The first question she asked me was, “are you travelling alone today?” Oh well I didn't see that one coming, and it brought tears to my eyes, but obviously she didn't know. Besides, she was behind me so she couldn't see my reaction. We went through security and a vile woman on the searching nearly had my crutches rammed up her arse sideways with her attitude. As we know, the more stressed out and upset I get, the faster my mobility deteriorates. Travelling to somewhere Si and I spent so many happy weeks together, in the run up to the anniversary of his death, is strangely causing me a great deal of distress. Add to that stupid ass questions from airport staff and we are having a lovely painful spasm type day. I already regretted not bringing mildred. Not only is she really useful in these situations, I've just realised she is also my security blanket, and I don't have her. You absolute wankspangle Mrs Leonard. Anyway, it was far too late to do anything about it so we now just have to suck it up. Annoying but there we are.

When we arrived at the departure gate, it was empty and the crew were just going through to the plane. There was another staff member who was lovely, and once again she asked the now dreaded question, “are you travelling alone today” I replied that yes I was, what I really wanted to say was to her was “yes, today and every other day for the rest of my life and i dont bloody want to but thats how it is now piss off and leave me alone”. Except I was in floods of tears… again, and making a right twat of myself. Again. It's becoming a habit. 

I prebooked special assistance and requested as usual the aisle chair, but because of the crutches they assumed I had booked the wrong type of assistance.  Si and I learnt a long time ago that it's better to book the aisle chair, because by the time I get to our destination and it doesn't matter where that destination is I can't move my legs and I'm in a world of pain, so getting off the plane is problematic. In one airport in Spain I ended up having to get off the seat, onto the floor and pull myself  down the plane aisle and go down the steps on my arse because I hadn't booked the aisle chair, and they claimed they didn't have one available.  I now know that all planes carry one. And I will now always book the aisle chair no matter what sort of day I'm having because that episode was incredibly humiliating, and we raised holy hell over it, or rather Si did…it  was a well known budget airline…

When I booked  the assistance I booked a window seat as I've been out in the aisle the last few flights which as i’ve said is a problem when there are other people who want to climb over me. However they told me I had to have an aisle seat because of the chair. I tried to explain the problem and as a result I was given an aisle seat but had the row to myself which was quite an achievement. While we were waiting to board, another lady was wheeled into the holding area. She was a really smart, very attractive lady with a lovely smile and energy about her. We got chatting, she had been in Wellington to visit her son,  and was now on her way home to Rarotonga. Naturally she asked if I was going home or for a  visit  so I replied for a three week holiday, to which she posed the now dreaded question “on your own?” but she added on the end of it, “oh my goodness you're so brave”. Nah not brave my lovely lady just a bird on the run from her miserable life. The conversation continued when I got a grip, and she asked where I was staying, so I told her, and she promptly said “ill give you my phone number, please ring me and I will come and visit you “ well, I was speechless. She handed me her business card, with her personal number written on the back and explained her business was with her eldest son but he was now trying to retire her and she isn't keen on that idea at all! She reiterated that I was to call her, as it was a long time to be somewhere without a friendly face.  That finished me, and in seconds I was a mess of snot bubbles and leaking eyes, so attractive and in public too, I carry Si’s now battered photo everywhere in my bag to keep him close so i opened it up, dug it out and willed him to send me the strength and comfort  I get from looking at it, to get me through the current brand of hell I found myself in. Instead I got the lovely assistant girl with tissues who just wheeled me down the boarding tunnel out of the view of the other passengers which was really nice of her. Unfortunately she clocked Si’s photo, asked if it was my partner, and then said it's so hard leaving someone. Without thinking I told her no he's my husband and he's dead, and then instantly felt really mean because she was so apologetic, it was not her fault. Cue more snot bubbles. Having completely shown myself up the cabin crew were filled in by the assistant and they promised they'd look after me. More tears but they certainly kept their promise. I was given a glass of water before everyone else boarded which went down very fast, presented with a handful of tissues and patted on the shoulder, and again they told me they'd look after me. Which they did the whole flight. Such kind people. Unfortunately we were delayed taking off for an hour, I have no idea why that was but the films were available so I watched Moana. I was extremely grateful for the empty seats beside me because the reminder of the flight passed in much the same way it had started, tears and snot bubbles. I did however have prosecco with my overnight oats and fresh fruit for my breakfast. A random choice but there we are.

The flight seemed to go quite quickly, and I was surprised to see the island through the aircraft window so soon.

The landing was smooth, and we taxied to the airport. There was a ramp to disembark but I was collected by the assistance team and taken off on the ambulift. It's been a while since I've been on one of them, Mine and Si’s last holiday exactly twelve months ago today according to my phone memories. FFS. Just give me a break.! When we got to ground level the lady opened the door and the heat hit me, and made me smile for the first time in a few hours. Unfortunately the smile was short lived as again the dreaded question was asked. You would think I'd be used to it by now wouldn't you?! But no, the same reaction. Again. Is it really that unusual for a person to travel solo?? I don't recall the same questions when I did it years ago.  Perhaps it's because I'm old, Or maybe people are just making conversation. Who knows, I just know I'm sick of that question. 

When I was pushed into the arrivals part of the airport, the rest of the passengers were queuing for passport and security checks, being entertained by an Islander sitting on a stool playing a ukulele and singing to them as they waited in the heat. Being in the chair meant I was wheeled straight past them and to the front of the queue. There is at least one advantage.

I’d filled in my passenger declaration form and declared my snorkel and my prepackaged food and was fully expecting to get my bag searched. However, the customs officer stamped my passport (hurrah), asked that fukin question and waved me through after I replied. We went to wait for the sturdy rucksack, and I was so chuffed when no sooner as we got to the carousel it came by. The lady grabbed it and we headed through the declaration channels, they checked my form and I was really happy when I was waved straight through and didn't have to unpack my bags to show them my food stuff. 

The lady asked me if I had booked transport and I replied I was going to get a taxi. She asked where I was staying and then took me to a desk with the resort's name on it. There was a lady standing behind the desk, wearing the most enormous smile. Her colleague bought me a flower garland that smelled absolutely beautiful and placed it over my head and set about getting me transport to the resort. I handed her over my passport so she could take my details and book me my return transport as well. And yes she went there, she asked…and it elicited the same response. Once it was sorted out her assistant wheeled me to the minibus and I managed to get myself in old school style, on my arse. He bought me a bottle of icy cold water, loaded my bags in, turned the engine on for the air con and went to check if there was anyone else going my way. He came back quickly and told me he was taking me to the hotel. It's under 10 minutes from the airport, and we passed by some familiar sights. The Market, pearl shops, police station and the shopping area. As we passed them my little driver gave me a running commentary and was a mine of local information. Bless him, he appeared to be in his late teens to early twenties and just such a happy soul. The hotel as I said is close to the airport so I didn't have too far to go. It's the opposite side of the island from where we stayed last time. Deliberately so. On our arrival, he carried my bag into reception for me and once I tipped him, he left. He wasn't expecting to be tipped, it was my choice, he was just so very sweet and had been really helpful. 

I checked in and thankfully the room was ready, because again that question was asked, it was about the breakfast, it says on my confirmation i have breakfast for 2 people, as its a continental type i don't think anyone will care if i have a double helping of fruit!.  This time I was able to reply without the snot bubbles and only filled up. I'm clearly desensitizing to it. Hurrah for me . I have a garden room because I was too mean to pay an extra $100 a night for an ocean room, it's not the one on the advert, but it's fine, the air conditioning works, the bed is comfortable and huge, the fridge works and there is a kettle, safe, tv and a guide book. The bathroom has all the toiletries and nice navy towels, and the shower is good. Basically it has all I need for the next 24 nights. I hung my garland over the wall light and the scent from it is just beautiful. It looks a little worse for wear now with the petals turning brown, and by the morning it will sadly have gone over. But for now it’s making my room smell fabulous

The one thing that has thrown me completely, and it did the last time we were here, is the fact I left Auckland on Saturday morning and arrived in Rarotonga on Friday afternoon. My world clock widget on my phone is messing with my head in ways I can't even begin to explain! This week I have had two Fridays. Morg messaged and asked "What's the weather like yesterday?” which made me smile.. 

One of the security guards carried my bags to the room for me which was lovely, and I flopped on to the bed in relief and more tears. He was really lovely, and told me to ring reception if I needed anything and that everything would be ok. I don’t have the heart to tell him that nothing would ever be ok again.

Frankly I've shown myself up hugely today, and I'm beginning to wonder if this whole month is going to go the same way. It was not supposed to be this hard and so exhausting. It certainly wasn't supposed to be as embarrassing as it's been, and I've not even been here 24 hours. I need to manage my expectations better although I thought I had covered all the bases. Clearly not the goddamn universe spent a day throwing me curveballs again, cheers for that.

There are a pile of young people in the room next door, laughing and enjoying themselves and I feel really resentful towards them for living their best lives when I am in so much pain . I put in Si’s headphones to drown them out and thankfully they went out after an hour or so. 

I unpacked my sturdy backpack, hung up my clothes, laid out my toiletries , set up the room safe to keep my passport, laptop and phones safe and made a cup of tea. The water on the island is sourced from rainwater and streams etc, it's not filtered except on the large resorts so is only safe to drink after it's boiled. Bottled water is sold at the bar but I will go into the supermarket tomorrow to get a load to stock up my fridge. Dotted around the island there are fresh water stations, these are just standpipes, with a small shelter over them at random places along the roadside. It's all free and you can safely drink it without the fear of bugs and upset tummies. I will have a look out for one close to the resort tomorrow, although to be honest I think I can shout a couple of bottles of water a day!  

Having no energy and not feeling sociable I drew the curtains, locked out the world, grabbed a cwtchy blankie out of the cupboard, showered , and got into bed. I retrieved my somatic cards and my crystals from my bag and did some work which has calmed me a little bit. I've done a long guided meditation andi just really hope i sleep tonight. I've got serious sunbathing to do tomorrow and that shit is exhausting. It began to rain around 2130 and it took me a while to realize what the noise was. I thought it was next door showering for a minute then my slow brain figured it out. It only lasted 10 minutes and then stopped as quickly as it started. 

I've found today particularly difficult, it's been really hard going and trying to hold it together has proven impossible. I'm glad I have got my trusty notebook with me to dump absolutely everything  that's going around in my brain into , it's really come into its own these last few weeks, and I suspect it's going to be full by the end of the month. Like Chief Brody would say "You're gonna need a bigger book”.

Much Love 

Mrs Leonard

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